alright, so things in my life right now seem as confusing as ever, and it feels like im drivin on a sheet of ice slipping all over the road.
- Ive been sleeping on my couch, or random couches for the past 2 months
- I dont think ive gotten a good nights sleep in the past 2 months
- I lack modivation to go get what i want in life currently, while i still reside at my current apartment
- I havent been eating well, or relaxed in months.
- My dad is still super fucked up and still the biggest abusive asshole ive ever met(god, today showed me that more than ever)
- My mom is still really sick with ms
- Both my grandparents who also raised me are now very sick
- Im still super shy, and it doesnt help that i havent been used to being by myself in 6 years.
- Because im shy, i have a hard time finding people to talk to
- My girlfriend treats me no better than a stranger and like she didnt just go out with me for 6 years
- She wont let me tell her how i feel because i guess it makes her feel guilty..but isnt guilt on her end, not mine...so it doesnt make sense.
- I had to drop out of school for lack of focus, and im only getting back, already losing a year due to illness, or curcumstances out of my control
- I am now the sole provider of a shared kitten, who someone doesnt seem to care about anymore...(ahem, kind of like me :(
I seriously really really hope, moving out will allow me to relax, and move on with what i need. Constant reminders dont allow me to move on, or get out of ruts and im not the type of person to lie to myself
After that is all said, im still really worried that something will blow up, and ill never get back on my feet. I hope to read this entry later on, and be able to say to myself BRENT YOU DID IT. It is one of my modivation for keeping a record of all this shit...so, heres to hoping.
What a sad sack i am :(
BRENTSWEETBLOG
Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at 10:25 p.m.
uggggggggggggggg
� BRENT BRENT BRENT 2005