Placing something wonderful in front of someone only to have it turned away for no definite reason.
Last evening was the end of an era for myself.
Mike L and I must have had one of the most insightful talks on Thursday night, and he filled me in on a little of his philosophy about living. Why bother, and why care?
From a reality point he is entirely too correct. Its time for Brent to jump ship from the idealistic bus he has been on to reality central.
"Save the cheerleader, save the world"
Ya right. Nice try though heroes.
Perhaps I wasn't programmed the same as everyone else.
Last night I cried and felt like an ass. Maybe I should stop that.
I should also stop investing myself in situations that are unlikely to succeed.
I am not sure why I bother in the first place with them, but it seems like I am drawn to the exactly these people.
Rachel put it nicely last night. "Brent you need a whole person"
Stop being drawn to the boy sitting alone in the corner, the girl who you want to see smile. You make it work but ultimately in the end it all just doesn't seem worth it. You know the outcome but you still do it.
I always grab hold of that glimmer and try anyway. I had something wonderful once. I was the guy who for some reason found a way to make it all fit together wonderfully. In the end Barbara did exactly what a Barbara would do. It was her character all along, and you knew it would happen one day. Do I regret it? No. I tried.
I always just end back at square one and get to watch the ship sail away. Priceless.
Have some fucking respect for yourself man. Just stop it.
Go out, don't care. Use people. Have sex with them, and leave. Don't even offer to cook breakfast. I don't know where the notion came that relationships ruin friendships because people ruin friendships. People ruin relationships. People ruin there own lives. Like I said, I made it work once. In the end it turned out it was with a girl who ultimately had an expiry date. Im just fucking tired of being a "good dude" who is "wonderful to hang out with" but ultimately ends up alone at home. Just go and take what you want.
Stop putting yourself out there. Make people work a bit harder to know you. Maybe I should get rid of this blog too and just start posting random crap. No one wants you, and you got to figure out why that is. So maybe pull another Costanza and start doing the opposite of everything you've ever known!
Fuck.
I have to come up with a way to shut it all off.
I am going to brainstorm all week. Can I say self style lobotomy?
Maybe I should start trying plan B. B is for Brent right? who is a good dude.....
