Have you ever seen the size of Pringles' containers? They look like tennis ball containers. I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 at 11:38 p.m.
so tonight I watched derailed with steph and steve. I zoned out during it. Who names there baby clive? English people? Also, hip hop artists should stay the fuck out of movies. IM SO SICK OF IT.
I picked up a bottle of wine after class today and had a sweet chat with the ladies working. For some reason philip glass came up, and music in the movies. I think the girl working there has a crush on me. We talked a couple of times at the bar and I always knock on the window when I pass by, but Im sort of just fucking around. I could always ask for her number..hmmm. Why havent they hired me already? I got my eye on two other jobs, but I find myself utterly drained for effort in these winter months.
I made filet mignon tonight for dinner, and my roommate always mentions how "UNSTUDENT" i eat. SO WHAT, because I don't eat ramen noodles every day makes me a fancy eater? Its like 10 bucks to make yourself something, lets call it, adult? I spent 50 dollars this weekend on just myself at a nice restaurant. It felt nice. Like my sister always tells me, "brent dont look at the prices, order what you want"
Okay, tomorrow is a busy day, so i better get some sleep. Gotta wake up early, draaaag myself (literally) to my old apartment, clean up the fucking mess barbara left there, take whatever i can salvage, bitch a little, call bar and get my effing plates back (who takes all the plates?)
Daaammmn, look at the mood Im in. Tomorrow after the move, i can relax, make some dinner with a special lady??, see a movie, and hopefully end the night on a positive note. Here is to hoping. I am going against everyones advice on this one, but nothing tried, nothing gained.
alright. time for some apprentice.
at 7:25 p.m.
The lamenting vocal music in this class makes me want to descend into grief. Thanks Purcell. Henry Purcell's Dido
at 4:45 p.m.
HAHA
at 4:26 p.m.
I slept from 3-3, and Im not sure if it was because I needed it or of the fucking awesome dream I was having. Long dream short, it reflected my wishes in life to a tee. I had the girl I wanted, my sister lived in this fucking awesome house, and I also played in a band again. Fuck, gotta get that ball rolling. Carruthers walked up with my amp the other day - all nonchalant and Im thinking "WHAT GIVES, THATS MY BABY, PUT HER DOWN" Turns out hes bringing it to get fixed because some yahoo's broke it, but it was sad to see it walk out the door. OKAY, enough reminiscing.
I have class tonight, it should be another shoot me in the head right now extravaganza. I am definitely bringing snacks...and a gun.
End note: I am watching Indiana Jones and the temple of doom. KALI-MAAHH
at 1:28 a.m.
I broke down tonight to steph. I miss what I can't have. Should I let that stop me. I never have before.
Monday, January 29, 2007 at 3:10 p.m.
I had the most wonderful weekend. 24 dollar beef tenderloin and tang and savana's was delicious. coffee shop talks, late nights, frankie, ordering food, babylon, black out drinking, and way too much mtv. cant beat that with a stick.
Im so hungover today, i might just die. Its really too bad I have to move my stuff.
Friday, January 26, 2007 at 12:48 p.m.
Oh god, I gotta move today. Where am I going to put all that crap?
at 3:57 a.m.
I learnt today that being me isnt bad, other people are.
I did something naughty last night and I feel good about it. I did exactly what my roommate joked to me about before I went out to the bar, and he gave me this shocked hug when I did. And I realized, holy shit Brent, you have something. I cant place my finger on it, but i make it work. I always do. This morning I got told "you know what brent, you are fucking awesome. Everyone always thought you must be so terrible because of the breakup, but its so not like that" and my old self esteem went back to how I felt before we broke up Fuck it. New philosophy. You dont want it, okay, fuck it. Anyway, it was great to fucking get some lovin again. I still got it. I was always worried that months and months lacking practice might break down the system, but I guess its like riding a bike.
Also watching mtv, eating pizza then chinese food, and than a nap to the bar is basically the best day ever. Okay, im so fucking drunk. I fixed someone elses relationship again tonight, got 3 free beers, and resorted to smoking old butts from the downstairs ashtray because im a broke homo. But overall goodnight. WANGBANG!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 at 4:02 p.m.
This also made me smile sweet shoes made from tennis ball felt. they should belong to a mr brent sweet. and
at 2:41 p.m.
Worst morning ever! I can't wait for steph to come home so we can open this big bottle of wine, trade massages and get a hug. She'll fix me up. Thanks for calling me this morning lovely.
Boy did you screw things up again Brent. Will you ever get it right? The only smile I found myself having today was because of this lovely girl at ESD. She had the cutest demeanor, and a wonderful smile. You could tell she was new, a little stressed, and I joked around with her about it. If I didn't feel so god awful today I was half tempted to ask for her number. Bold Brent I know.
A nuclear bomb just exploded on the new episode of 24, sort of like my heart! BUURRN. Goodbye A.
I thought this was a very appropriate quote. "There is nothing so horrible in nature as to see a beautiful theory murdered by an ugly gang of facts" - Benjamin Franklin
Tuesday, January 23, 2007 at 8:26 p.m.
OH GOD SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD. WE ARE BEING FORCED TO WATCH A 30 MINUTE OPERA DVD. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, KET HE FAH FAH, KET IT FAH FAH SOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH QUAESADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I cant even see the screen. I hate my life right now. Okay so plan is, I sneak out and crack those tallboys with Toby. WHE ARE HAVING A FEARFEST.
at 7:20 p.m.
Im sitting in this music appreciation class and I can't read an effing thing. I am only 4 rows back too.
It's my first time attending this class and I already want to leave. Im not going to drop it simply because Im already dropping way too much + the fact that little Andrew Sheldrick is sitting 2 rows over, and he'll help my sad ass understand what the hell is going on.
From what I can assume, this class divides up pieces like Ave Maria into these little blocks, and analyzes it sort of part per part. Brilliantly boring.
I figured out how to get internet, so it'll help me manage. Ps. The teacher is somewhat overweight and wearing a big purple sweater. Can we say Im so mean. Pss. I am going here tomorrow.
at 11:39 a.m.
last night I had a dream that my ex gf started dating this red hair freckly guy named tyler who was just terrible. For some reason we ended up having a water skiing competition and i called him a slut when he grabbed her boob! fuuuck.
I have never even water skied in my life, but I bet id still beat tyler's ass.
Funny side story about a tyler. When I was 4, my best friend on my street was named tyler. He lived like 8 doors away, and I remember him being pretty bad ass. This one summer for some reason we decided it would be cool to break into a car and hide in it. Don't ask me why, but we hid in this blue car ALL DAY. Probably like 6 hours. Both our moms called the police, who started scouting the area for us. I guess the guy eventually found us in his car when he was off to go somewhere. Long story short, that was the last time I was allowed to play with tyler!
Monday, January 22, 2007 at 11:47 p.m.
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I nedd a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. ever thine ever mine ever ours
Thanks Beethoven for the tears. I wish such great love stories still existed. It is what I am. Love is taken for granted and it hurts my heart. One day I too will find another to love like I once did. I will have a reason again to wake up with a smile. It seems so simple. All I want to do with my life is love, and yet I struggle. I do not care where I am as long as I am not alone. It is every individuals struggle, whether they admit it or not. I hope there is someone left out there for me. I had it once.
at 8:24 p.m.
BRENT says: sadddd meg says: why? BRENT says: i didnt get what i wanted meg says: oops meg says: what did you wnt? BRENT says: a girl meg says: who? meg says: not still amelia? BRENT says: yah but atleast now i know meg says: yeh you know now|!! meg says: gosh darn brent BRENT says: it just doesnt make sense to me BRENT says: perhaps meg says: you have way more better things to think about then her BRENT says: im just a little confused BRENT says: yah, but shes still in there meg says: what ar eyou confused about? BRENT says: i dont know what it is. meg says: girls are dumb meg says: i am a girl meg says: i know BRENT says: that she loves me so much she doesnt want to date me? i feel thats a cop out meg says: she just doesn't knwo what she wants most liekly meg says: yeh sounds like it BRENT says: but now I don't think i can be around her anymore BRENT says: so i lose good company too meg says: you can find betetr company BRENT says: i don't really understand what i do wrong meg says: nothing BRENT says: you know? all i get from people is how im a great person, blah blah, but i end up with nothing out of it BRENT says: im really kind of second guessing how i am living my life meg says: well find someone who appreciates that meg says: and you need more time to figure yoruself out anuyway BRENT says: alot of people do, it just doesnt pan out i guess? BRENT says: im already pretty figured out. i know what i want i just cant have it BRENT says: but like i said, maybe im just backwards BRENT says: i go after the wrong people, but its like thats i know how to do meg says: i don't belioeve you meg says: you are not all figured out meg says: there is no way meg says: you were in a heartbreaking 6 year relationshi[p. trust me...this si just the beginning BRENT says: believe me. i know myself pretty well, and im really not good at being single. i need to make someone special smile meg says: ..... BRENT says: everyone around me has that special someone. maybe im just a little jealous meg says: I DON'T!!! meg says: don't be jelous of me BRENT says: someone to watch a movie with, make dinner, laugh, share a cigarette BRENT says: im not meg says: do that with friends meg says: expcept don't share a cig meg says: nasty BRENT says: but i guess that im not really into that as much meg says: haha BRENT says: because friends are just friends, and im really at a state of my life right now where i need more than that BRENT says: i need close bonds, with people who arent going to run out BRENT says: which is hard to come by meg says: well i am sure if you are POSITIVE.......then there are plenty of girls who would date you BRENT says: I am postive as much as i can be, but my faith is lingering BRENT says: i have a big heart, i give it out there too much. i have to stop that meg says: find a girl who will work for your heart BRENT says: yah, but i have no idea where to start. amelia was special to me, and i know its the same way back, but she expects me not to develop feelings? its just sort of harsh BRENT says: and, i know thats exactly what i should stay away from, but my heart just speaks differently BRENT says: and sort of runs me a bit more than my logic at times meg says: she probably likes just being close without having feelings...and i know that is not fair to you...i have felt that way about guys before and it just doesn't work BRENT says: but i laid it out there last night, i got the run around, so atleast now i know, and i can begin the process of moving forward BRENT says: yah i know it doesnt work
BRENT says: and i said to her that id probably have to distance myself from her if thats the case meg says: yes!! move forward! BRENT says: and she got angry at that like i was a bad friend BRENT says: its just so fucking backwards.. who is making up these rules meg says: no meg says: she has no right to get angrymeg says: that is not fair meg says: it can't be one way or the other meg says: she will need to acceot this BRENT says: yah its not. its like she wants the closeness without my being able to have feelings for her. its backwards BRENT says: its like she gets to have her cake and eat it too BRENT says: and i get squat BRENT says: so im going to have a little self respect and get out BRENT says: its just sort of a shame meg says: brent...unless you know how to be on your own...it is not knowing yourself meg says: to be your own person meg says: to know yourself well meg says: to stand on your own BRENT says: yah...i just work better in pairs BRENT says: im a giving person. i feel I have too much to share to just waste it on myself meg says: yeh....but you gotta be strong on your own meg says: youy will be able to give a lot more in the long run that way BRENT says: i dont really have too much in my life as it is...so its nice to have someone thats yours BRENT says: yah...which is why last night i decided it was the end of old brent BRENT says: and i really hope it doesnt change me too much BRENT says: or i remember the person who was able to make a girl really happy once BRENT says: im just a little worried i will lose myself, or what makes me a great dude in this whole process meg says: you will become a stronger greater brent BRENT says: i understand that everyone is different...i guess im just programmed a bit differently meg says: you are amazing now...think how much more you can be by being independent BRENT says: what do I have to gain from that though? BRENT says: i really dont see how being single will make me any happier BRENT says: its not like iam career or money oriented meg says: it will allow you to grow meg says: i mean. find someone when it comes BRENT says: i have lots of friends? im fairly happy with who i am BRENT says: yah, i cant force it BRENT says: you are right meg says: the best comes when you arne't looking BRENT says: i know that. I just hate hugging a pillow at nights meg says: me tooo meg says: but on the bright side.....you get a whole bed to yourself meg says: sleep right in the middle!!! BRENT says: yah..but im pretty little, so i always end up on the side meg says: hehe meg says: did you hang out with sheena? BRENT says: we never ended up getting together, but I was just thinking about calling her. I will do that tomorrow meg says: nice BRENT says: and shelby. maybe one of them will grab my heart meg says: yeh meg says: maybe! BRENT says: cant rush it meg says: nope meg says: it will coem when it comes meg says: you are lucky to have 2 girls who want your little bum! BRENT says: yah, you are right. I just cant stand the idea of not having someone meg says: and i bet there are mroe you don't know about yet meg says: you will be with someone soon meg says: cherish this time.... meg says: and when the right person comes, it will be great BRENT says: yah. you're right. I guess my ol' self esteem sort of took a beating when bar and i broke up BRENT says: because i dont know what happened? BRENT says: i sometimes think i was inadequate BRENT says: ? i know thats probably not true meg says: no meg says: it was probably a mix of a bunch of things BRENT says: but when someone else i likes sort of turns me down too, i start thinking to myself? maybe im just not attractive anymore meg says: drugs probably being a big one BRENT says: yah, that was one of them meg says: it changes people meg says: you are very attractive!!! BRENT says: i hope i just didnt get luck you know BRENT says: thanks megan meg says: and you have a lovely personality! meg says: don't even sweat that BRENT says: i know i should bring that on more, its just after so many years with bar, i could care less how others saw me because all i wanted was her meg says: you are fun and funny and silly and charming and smart and talented....what more could a girl want? meg says: i am glad you and i are good buddies! that's for sure! meg says: be confident though BRENT says: EXACTLY! BRENT says: I feel confident. but i guess when i get alone, i start double guessing myself meg says: yehyhe meg says: just stop being sop har don yourself BRENT says: and having no conversation to fll the space, i think too much meg says: there are many people are not as lucky as you BRENT says: thanks megan. you're great you know meg says: thanks meg says: and no prob BRENT says: you are really helping me through this BRENT says:
meg says: i hope so!! meg says: i am supposed tooooo! BRENT says: certainly. ill get my turn again soon BRENT says: its just hard adjusting from "best relationship in ottawa" to no-one meg says: hahaha. i hope not with me meg says: 2 heart breaks really takes its toll on me BRENT says: yah, im sure BRENT says: you only have one heart too! meg says: i am more on guard now...which is too bad meg says: don't be like that BRENT says: yah...see I dont want to end up like that either. meg says: you won't meg says: trust me meg says: i get feelings BRENT says: you're the best
Megan is one of the best people I have ever met. I helped her years ago with her bad breakup, not ever expecting anything out of it. And who just decides to show up in my time of need. Karma does exist. Thanks megan
at 7:54 p.m.
i just made a delicious looking pizza. word up for solo pizza parties. if i had a camera id take a picture. which reminds me, i have to get my camera back.
at 5:25 p.m.
I am watching on my with my eating smoking a really wanting a right now!
Pictures are fun. Girls are mean. Lohan's a slut. SIDE BOOB 4 LIFE.
When did it ever become a fact that when it's good its bad? Placing something wonderful in front of someone only to have it turned away for no definite reason. Last evening was the end of an era for myself.
Mike L and I must have had one of the most insightful talks on Thursday night, and he filled me in on a little of his philosophy about living. Why bother, and why care?
From a reality point he is entirely too correct. Its time for Brent to jump ship from the idealistic bus he has been on to reality central.
"Save the cheerleader, save the world"
Ya right. Nice try though heroes.
Perhaps I wasn't programmed the same as everyone else. Last night I cried and felt like an ass. Maybe I should stop that. I should also stop investing myself in situations that are unlikely to succeed. I am not sure why I bother in the first place with them, but it seems like I am drawn to the exactly these people. Rachel put it nicely last night. "Brent you need a whole person" Stop being drawn to the boy sitting alone in the corner, the girl who you want to see smile. You make it work but ultimately in the end it all just doesn't seem worth it. You know the outcome but you still do it.
I always grab hold of that glimmer and try anyway. I had something wonderful once. I was the guy who for some reason found a way to make it all fit together wonderfully. In the end Barbara did exactly what a Barbara would do. It was her character all along, and you knew it would happen one day. Do I regret it? No. I tried.
I always just end back at square one and get to watch the ship sail away. Priceless. Have some fucking respect for yourself man. Just stop it. Go out, don't care. Use people. Have sex with them, and leave. Don't even offer to cook breakfast. I don't know where the notion came that relationships ruin friendships because people ruin friendships. People ruin relationships. People ruin there own lives. Like I said, I made it work once. In the end it turned out it was with a girl who ultimately had an expiry date. Im just fucking tired of being a "good dude" who is "wonderful to hang out with" but ultimately ends up alone at home. Just go and take what you want.
Stop putting yourself out there. Make people work a bit harder to know you. Maybe I should get rid of this blog too and just start posting random crap. No one wants you, and you got to figure out why that is. So maybe pull another Costanza and start doing the opposite of everything you've ever known!
Fuck.
I have to come up with a way to shut it all off. I am going to brainstorm all week. Can I say self style lobotomy? Maybe I should start trying plan B. B is for Brent right? who is a good dude.....
Sunday, January 21, 2007 at 4:28 a.m.
Whenever I go out I realize how big this little world is. Brent, I know your heart hurts and you dont think you will ever recover, but if you look past all that, there is so much life out there. I guess I am just at a point where anything can happen and that whole concept sort of frightens poor ol' mr sweet.
When I was younger and people used to look at me I thought it was because I had mustard on my face or something. (still happens) But these days, I see the looks and I dont know what to do with it. I guess the old self esteem dug a hole after all this breakup. But I mean, who? I know I hate being alone. All my roommates have significants. They watch movies, order pizza. Man, that used to be me. I almost took it for granted, which is unfortunate, but it happens. Cliche I know, but you never know what you have till its gone. I remember Ian yelling those words in my ear while I was in mid breakup, and its very very true. But, hindsight aside, who knows what'll happen. I just need someone I can make happy. I so enjoy making someone smile, and I am not the same person without having that.
Oh well. Suck it up and move on. But I am sure I will be back in that relationship one day that people envy. I used to have it, but all good things come to an end.
Tonight was good. I feel alright considering.
Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 4:24 p.m.
Freaks and Geeks:
Sam: I wish cindy liked me. Lindsay: She likes you. Sam: Yah, like a friend. Lindsay: Eww, thats the worst. Sam: I don't need another friend, I already have two. I mean, how many more friends does a guy need?
So true!
at 4:02 p.m.
JUST AWESOME.
at 6:22 a.m.
i wanted to write in my notebook tonight but i couldnt find a pen, so this i guess is my backup.
Tonight i helped two fighting foes fix themselves. It's sort of ironic considering I cant fix my own life. What gives? I am seriously thinking of just jumping ship soon. Lets get the fuck out of here brent. Go!... this ottawa shit drains you.
You can't even be friends with people without ridicule. The girls you like, dont like you back. When I go out, I have people say to me "keep smiling", and I know, I do smile, but there is such a huge part of me underneath it all. Only one person ever really knew and she just left me for dead, so where do I go from here? Do i start writing droning lyrics on my guitar? Do I develop a chip on my shoulder?
I thought I could change things, make people better, fall in love, develop close connections, develop something. But i was wrong. As much as i crossed my fingers, nothing ever worked out.
People have so much good in them and they just fucking ruin it. It breaks my heart.
In the words of Mike L: Just stop caring because you are setting yourself up for heartache everytime.
I am done with this rant. I am sorry blog. GNIGHT
Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 6:55 a.m.
cat woke me up again :(
Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 9:23 p.m.
Last night was the worst night ever.
Mr. Monster basically kept me up all night crying. MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MRRRRRRAAAARRRR, MRRRRRRRAARRRR. Holy shit, I almost lost my mind. I was more worried about him waking up my roomies. I know its not really anything I can control, but he's lucky is is able to even live here in the first place.
SO BASICALLY, I was up all night, missed school, and am hiding in my room to keep the little bugger company. HE IS AWFUL CUTE THOUGH!
Tonight all 4 roomies chilled in my pad. Im pretty sure they love it..or something like that! Oh, and they are going to help me pull the Costanza. Basically, I will invite her over here, and steph will answer the door and introduce herself, and TADA Her Name. How terrible am I?
WATCH IT NOT EVEN HAPPEN NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THIS THOUGHT!
It's a day off tomorrow, sooo, I wanna go get contacts. Go do it Brent! SEE THE WORLD AGAIN! JEERS Ps. I just watched an episode of PALE FORCE on Conan, and its basically the best thing ever.
Monday, January 15, 2007 at 11:13 p.m.
So Mr. Fred Monster has arrived. So Mr. Brown Chair has arrived. I now have somewhere for guests to sit. "Hey take a seat on the only chair in the room, if you wish"
My sister was telling me how many places this chair has been.
Seattle New Hampshire Vermont New York Ottawa and i think I am forgetting one!
BROWN CHAIRS 4 LIFE It is now sitting happily in the corner of my room, being passed down 3 generations.
Sis came over tonight and we watched the new season of Rome. This show is amazing. It's amazing what HBO can do with their huge budgets (I am talking 1 million/show)
Some guy came to the house tonight who works for upfront magazine?? to interview us about the house, and what goes on here. I of course didn't feel right participating, only being here 2 weeks, but it really made me happy to call this place home.
We live as a collective here. Sharing our possessions as well as ourselves. Each morning I look forward to the breakfast conversations, the toothpaste sharing, and the overall warmth of the house. Be it sitting in the common room in the evening enjoy a movie and sharing cigarettes, or the monthly house shows and the people you meet. The house doubles in size often, with the addition of significant others (minus myself of course, but I am trying!) and I really couldn't ask for a better place to reside coming out of the situation I did.
I was co-cohabitating with my best friend and lover; really putting all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. It secluded me from a lot, including closeness to others but I was willing to forgo anything to be with her. It obviously didn't pan out like I had hoped, but I was forced to look upwards and onwards, and to press on. I have seen too much in my life, and felt too many things to let this destroy me. It almost did, but I somehow think this house, and the people that live here are one of the main reasons why I have been able to go on.
This all may seem a bit contrived. To label a house as such a positive, affluent force in my life. But it is true. I feel similar for Amelia. I rarely speak on such terms to her because it becomes somewhat confusing and muddled, but I really was fucked for a while there. Friends I had hoped to be there weren't and others I had no idea cared, were. It was really a testament to anything can happen. I am not sure where I fit into her life, but I do know that she helped reestablish my spirit, or my brent sweetness. It was like being lost in the woods and having someone say: "brent, I'll help you out of this" I feel barbara abandoned me in these woods. Almost like she knew how to get out, and just left me for dead. It still hurts, and I am unable to look at her anymore. What happened to us? What did I do wrong? Please just tell me. Why did you leave me alone for 6 days, knowing how close I was to something terrible. I woke up one morning with "I NEVER WANT TO WAKE UP" written on my arm, and that moment will stay with me forever. It was the turning point, where I decided that no one was going to do this for me, and I had to seek help if I was going to get any. Good karma x1000 to Amelia. I firmly believe that you get back what you give. Or atleast you won't get hit by a car.
I am not really certain why I have decided to type what seems like a book this evening. Perhaps it was seeing my barren apartment, and all the old memories that came along with it. Or the inability to gaze at the girl who i had slept beside for years and years. But I did find it therapeutic. Now the question lies...do I watch a comedy to cheer, or a tear jerker to cry. ILL FLIP A COIN!
GNIGHT WORLD
at 4:17 p.m.
THIS WEEKEND IN BRENT.
I ended up droppin' way too much money again. 30 shuckles to last me the rest of the week, and far too many plans. The stuff goes like water.
Gotta get this student loan business over and done with. gah, stress.
Good times with Amelia too. Ikea was a zoo, but it was worth it for the hot dogs/company. Oh, yah, the back to back movie/pizza party was something else! I somehow melded these 4 movies into 1, with with the help of sleep and house of georgie gravy goodness. WE HAVE FUN!
Last night I finally watched You, Me, and Dupree with toby/steph. Dupree paralleled Davey a little too well. It was a little bizarre. Even being pretty upset with the guy, I couldn't help but laugh.
I am so disappointed in people sometimes. Do they have monkey brains?
I ended up going to mod club last night for the first time in months. I thought it would be nice to see some people I probably haven't seen in a while.
I ended up at sarah's house beforehand. It is quite charming; with leaded glass windows and a 60's inspired tile job in the kitchen. Can I also mention the 70's oven that everyone seems to have. Can we say monopoly?
We had some drinks, she played piano (she is quite talented) and showed me a photo album that her grandma made her for Christmas. How cute. She also has a python. How badass.
Sarah's to be desired drunk roommate came home and started complaining that some guy "turned her down, and what was wrong with her". God, I wanted her to shut up. I think her name is wilma? Maybe thats problem #1.
The bar was wayyy busy; almost claustrophobic. I did run into a bunch of people, some of which came as a surprise.
For instance, a gorgeous girl came into the bar, and immediately hugged me and gave me a kiss. "BRENT YOU NEVER CALLED!". I was taken back for a moment, trying to pin down where and when I met her. Then it came to me. It's that girl I talked to all night several months ago, at that random house party I went to by myself (bar ditched me). "I couldn't stop thinking about you since we talked, I think you are the sweetest thing ever" Holy shit Brent, why didnt you call?
I tried to explain myself, saying: "Well, I didn't think you would remember me". Long story short, I bought her a drink, and we will be going out for coffee this week. It's somewhat ironic that I met her on a night Barbara was being terribly terrible to me. Fate does exist.
The problem still lies that I still don't recall her name. I will have to pull a Costanza to get out of this one
I can't get over how attractive she is. Brent you have a horseshoe somewhere.
I came out of this six year relationship not knowing where I fit anymore. I stopped looking as just myself years ago, and focused on us. I got treated like shit in the end, and lost everything I knew. I am happy to say I've found nothing more than a new lease on life. So good karma to all of you ladies and gentlemen who were/are there when I had nothing left.
Sunday, January 14, 2007 at 2:54 a.m.
There used to be a time when everything was alright. I loathe the fact that i even had those days. This is my life, better get used to it.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007 at 8:14 p.m.
THE CAT JUST DRANK MY ENTIRE GLASS OF CHOCOLATE MILK! WHAT A FUCKER!!
at 8:14 p.m.
THE CAT JUST DRANK MY ENTIRE CLASS OF CHOCOLATE MILK! WHAT A FUCKER!!
This movie had its moments. I think living in this house is going to get me hooked on coffee. ITS ALWAYS BEING MADE!! It was bound to happen sometime.
I was talking to my pops the other day and he mentioned there isn't a day when he drinks coffee that he doesn't still want a cigarette. 25 years later.
The perfect tag team
Tuesday, January 09, 2007 at 12:08 a.m.
SO TODAY I DID EVERYTHING I SAID ID DO. IM HAPPY. TWO MONTHS AGO I COULDNT EVEN PRY MYSELF FROM MY SAD YELLOW COUCH. Now its just ghostface and me killin it in my room.
I had a good roomie hang out tonight filled with alcohol, american splendor and for some reason the croissants I bought today. I fucking love these people. It's like hanging out with your friends everyday, but you don't have to move your ass past two floors. Props my brothers. Steph's gotta take out the garbage, so I guess bourns for her, but she knows how to take out to garbage if you know what im saying..huh huh huh??
I visited my grandpa today....it makes me sad. He's my hero, and my dad. But I gave him a kiss on the forehead like I usually do, and made him crack a couple of laughs. He teared up. I think hes really proud of me still. I hope he stays around just a little longer, so I can have a little bit more My fingers are crossed for you len. xoxo
Till tomorrow.
Monday, January 08, 2007 at 2:54 p.m.
I went to bed last night at 10pm. I don't think I've been in bed that early in years.
I walked to class this morning in this terrible weather only to figure out that it was canceled. I was sitting there like an oaf in class with the 3 other oafs that didn't pick up a syllabus. I even went to this french psych class next door trying to figure things out.
So i ended up just coming home and watching 24 JACK BAUER NEVER SLEEPS.
I am going to try really hard to do laundry today. I really hate having my clothes at two places, and in bags. I feel like I've lost a bunch of things.
Lets make a list bag, phone adapter - adam's bag - steve's fluffy hat - cens smaller hat - bill/pats shoes - dj's walkmen #2- somewhere?? sweater - at the oak
:(:( its favourite stuff too. I might have a date later on this week. I haven't made out with someone in too long!
Alright, so I just came back from my old apartment, and holy fuck was it difficult to be around bar. She tries to play it off like everything is fine and dandy...yah, right.
You just slept with my best friend, of course its going to bother me. All I want is a little respect. Sleep with whomever you want, but if you respect me, than you wouldnt sleep with my good friends.
I can't even see straight anymore. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm lonely. :(
My plan tonight is to take a bunch of nyquil and try to fall asleep. I feel like I haven't really slept in months. On the walk home today I ran into Jack and the cute girl who works at the wine rack, and he mentioned that I looked exhausted. Ironically I had just woken up from a 3 hours nap, and tried to play it off as "groggy". I mean what was I going to say "uhmm, my life is pretty fucked right now, and its pretty much killing me." Yah, I'm sure he'll hire me if i said that. On the bright side, he mentioned that they were impressed with my resume and would probably be hiring soon. Fingers crossed.
I just need a little bit of good right now. Just a titch, to get me through this. I'm not even sure what that would be; something, someone to make me care about things again.
The only thing keeping me going right now is my friends. I must say if I can take anything from the 6 year relationship, its the people we met along the way. For so long I only relied on bar because I didn't think anyone else would care. I am still incredibly lonely, and I just want back that feeling I used to have.
Alright so I have officially lost my faith in humanity. I really hope some big fucking asteroid comes and hits ottawa. Put it out of its misery.
I won't go into details as such, but a certain someone slept with a certain someone else, which was really uncool. It's not the sort of shit you wanna hear when you are recovering from one of the biggest changes in your life. SO A BIG FUCK YOU, YOU TWO, GO ROT IN HELL AND HAVE SEX THERE.
I ended up going on a major tear last night, spending all my money, and having no idea what i did with it. I even ditched a girl I was supposed to meet. I was in such an asshole mode, so I dont really fucking care.
My new years resolution is to go get what i want, when i want, and do what I want. I'm tired of waiting on people, or for things to happen naturally. We all know that doesn't even happen. I've just had it up to here with the bullshit I gotta deal with.
Maybe I'll start fighting people too. You know, be a real man, because god knows I get nothing for my compassion.
Two days ago someone called me a "weak link" in comparison to another fellow male. What the fuck is that? I know this dude too, and I am definitely far more real. He just gets more cred because he look like jesus.
I let myself be called that, so fuck that from now on. No more talking about feelings, no more waiting. Just grabbing, taking, leaving, doing, because god knows what ive been doing thus far isnt working!
So here is to a new interesting experiment in my life. Hell I got nothing to lose.
So I must say I ended 2006 the same way that ruined 2006. I partied my face off for 3 days, spent entirely too much money, and can't recall a hell of a lot.
Wednesday night I went to regular old zaphods w/ amelia. Did the whole mingle mangle, drink your face off, and I guess wound up passing out at her house (again). Woke up in the morning and drove to home depot to buy some paint w/ A. Ended up lost in a St Laurent shopping mall, then finally acquired the Stardust paint I've been pining over for weeks.
Passed out early that night, missing the pizza party, to rest myself for a full day of painting.
Friday I woke up, drove to Argyle, painted all day (primer took the longest) and it looks fantastic. I took a break half way through to watch my big fat greek wedding with stephanie, and left for home later that evening.
Jorge came over after work, and we polished off a 12 of pbr, and laughed our asses off like i havent heard in forever. Putting the two of us together always creates the best nights. Amelia stopped by afterwards, and we all went to the dirty oak to polish off a pitcher. Afterwards we wound up going to my boy Pat's house to meet his boy who was in from town, and then to sunny's to play poker till the wee hours of the night. I didn't win that night, and i felt myself feeling pretty shitty, i guess. I don't know why I yearn for companionship so much, but it's impossible to stop thinking about. Last night seeing Cens and Chelsea snuggle on the couch, or when i was watching the movie elezabethtown today, it's like life is slapping me in the face.
I might try.
Saturday night....ha, saturday night I went out of my way to try and see my ex barbara on her birthday. I bought her a card and cried all day thinking about how its the first one in 6 years im not apart of. I manned up and went looking for her, because she didnt answer my calls. I ended up at babylon by myself, mingling with whoever I could. I ended up spending the night talking to natalie and brad, and i crashed at their place that night with little frankie who is quite adorable. I had a fantastic talk with natalie before i went to bed, and i think my nose bled in my sleep.
In the morning we all went out for breakfast at the lieutenants pump. It was only 4.50, and the waitress was smitten by me and brad. We sat in this dark back corner, which was weird because it was afternoon, and afterwards I enjoyed the company of Natalie and her sisters house in the glebe, watching cold case files, eating crackers, petting the 3 cats, and taking a 3 hour nap. How can you get any better than that??
Bill showed up at around 8, and we decided to kick it back to natalies house. Bill and I continued to drink, talk and sit in a dark room until new years had already passed. We high tailed it to babylon, where i had several drinks, danced a little, and continued to head across the street to jo's loft party.
It was pretty bumpin by the time i got there, and it was lovely to see so many friendly faces. I made my rounds, said hello, held some conversations, made some new friends, hid my alcohol in the microwave, told a girl she was pretty, made an ass of myself by telling amelia i liked her (WTF BRENT. BTW I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT SITUATION) and ended up passing out at CENS house till 6pm monday night, and watching tv with some cats till 1am. Oh and my parents yelled at my because they thought i was dead (???) and tracked me around the city.
Today, bar yelled at me because she forgot her phone charger at jo's (like its my fault) and i basically sat on the couch all day and watched movies. I think i am about to head off to my new home to see a house show, and im so excited they thought enough about me to invite, because ive been feeling like shit all day.
Can't anything be simple for once. I think i need to start smoking more pot..things seemed to work better then.
SO TILL NEXT POST. damn brent your life is bananas
70's oven that everyone seems to have.
